My Son Was Shot

Renford talks about his trying weekend, when he finds out that his son, who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, was shot and, as we speak, sits in the ICU of the hospital, and was on life support.

For that moment, I had all kinds of thoughts – before I realized he was going to be ok, the whole night was spent in dread, thinking, Iis my son going to die and I never get to spend a day with him outside in the free world?”

Parental guilt brought up a whole host of emotions, including feeling like he couldn’t express the emotions because of where he is and the toll that prison has taken on him. He’s had to suppress his emotions while inside because there’s no room for it; feelings and emotions are a hindrance.

He wonders how does a person continue to go on? At what point is hope not enough anymore, especially when it truly feels as though there’s no end in sight.

When he heard his son got shot, it put a whole other strain on his life. He tried to find strength, but was flooded with a whole bunch of emotions. Feelings of abandonment, betrayal and more made Renford wonder if that’s how his 30 year-old son feels toward him since he wasn’t able to spend free time with him.

When he was alright, Renford still found himself thinking “what if he had died” and, despite his son being ok, he still didn’t feel any better about it. Life is prison is not simple, and in situations like this, you can’t do anything but listen and wait.
He’s parentally-paralyzed.

I have no time to feel sad or to grieve, I just have to think about it with my mind, not my heart or emotions because I don’t have the outlet to help me get past it.